Tight Ends That Matter

Author’s Note: I want to express my deepest apologies for anyone offended by the Cleveland post that was made by yours truly. The next time a post like that is made, we will make sure that no one in our immediate sphere of influence is from the city that is being made fun of. The only exception being; if the writer of the post is somehow personally involved in the post in some way, shape, or form. Again, sorry for the confusion, and this post is being made to help confirm that I am merely the levity of the blog, and that my opinions on sports hold little to no weight. With that being said…

mike-ditka-with-cigar

Hurricane Ditka?

I played pee wee football when I was a kid. And with not much surprise, I was terrible at it. My brother Zach (who is one of the editors of this blog) got all of the sports skills, and I was stuck being a defensive linemen for my whole career. I played four plays a game if I was lucky, and spent most of the time hoping I could be a tight end. That was the position that I dreamed of. That I even lusted after. And for that reason, I figured a post about tight ends was in order. So here it is: Tight Ends That Matter.

11. Jason Witten

During a ten season tenure with the Cowboys, this guy was able to pull off four 1,000-yard seasons, a rare feat among players of this position. Being a Cowboy also doesn’t hurt his chances of one day being in the Hall of Fame.

10. Rob Gronkowski

His awesome last name isn’t all that he has going for him. He has posted the best single season of anyone, with 1,327 yards from 90 catches and 17 TDs back in 2011. He has a great career ahead of him, with only being in his fourth season.

9. Dave Casper

After a rough first two seasons, Dave Casper showed he was a force to be reckoned with. Helping lead the Raiders to two Super Bowl victories and a Hall of Fame induction help make up for his nine total catches in the ’74 and ’75 seasons.

                                                       8. Antonio Gates

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The Browns rule.

A former basketball player, Gates went undrafted in the 2003 offseason. He made sure to make up for this by posting some impressive numbers throughout his career, ending his ten year stint with 83 TDs and 8 Pro Bowls.

7. Ozzie Newsome

Hall of Famer Ozzie Newsome had to be a part of this list. Not only because of his prowess on the field, but because of his amazing career with my favorite NFL team, the Cleveland Browns. Did you know that they’re named after their head coach, not the color? With that…

6. Frank Bauch

This studly man, though originally from California, made a stint in the Midwest to attend college in a state a couple away from Ohio, Illinois. Being one of the more informed writers of this blog, there is no doubt in my mind he would be able to excel at any position he was put at on the field. Tight end comes to mind though, because our beloved friend Urban Dictionary defines Frank as a name for a old man who thinks he is still attractive to young women, usually wearing speedos at the beach. I think you see where I’m going with this. Back to the list…

5. Kellen Winslow

I’m really surprised that more people aren’t aware of who Mr. Winslow is, being as that he has some of the most impressive of stats of any tight end to play the game. He played for the Chargers though, so this might be why? His average of 12 yards per carry is unheard of for tights ends in this day and age.

4. Shannon Sharpe

The only reason Shannon Sharpe comes in above Winslow is merely because he is better at pulling off a pinstripe suit as one of the sportscasters on the CBS pre game show. This coupled with the fact that he was signed by Ozzie Newsome, the Raven’s general manager and from my beloved Browns, makes him a top pick in my book.

3. Mike Ditka

I mean, what other football player has a line of cigars named after them? His place in pop culture is such that most people don’t even realize that Ditka played tight end. His Hall of Fame spot and 43 career TDs definitely vault him to a top spot.

2. Tony Gonzalez

Patrick Swayze Portrait Session

I mean, how could I not?

Arguably the best tight end of all time, Tony Gonzalez has had one beast of a career… so far. He is still living the dream as part of the Atlanta Falcons, and keeps adding to his over 100 career TDs. His spot in the Hall of Fame is already laid out.

1. Patrick Swayze

Much for the same reason that Frank Bauch is on this list, I feel that Swayze will forever be at the top of the list of Tight Ends That Matter. After seeing him in Dirty Dancing, I’m sure that he could spin and maneuver his way around any defender. Though his spot on the list may be too generous, Swayze needed to be at the top of some list on this blog, seeing as how he is quintessential 90’s.

There you have it! A by no means comprehensive list of great tight ends. If only I could be one of them…

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