An Urban Dictionary Response to “How Cleveland Sports”
In order to properly respond to Matt McVicker’s post earlier today titled: How Cleveland Sports Are Irrelevant, I knew needed to do some research to fully understand the source of Matt’s angst toward Cleveland. So I turned to everyone’s most trusted research site, Urban Dictionary:
Urban Dictionary defines “Matthew” as “a sexy guy that liked the women and has a nice tooth brush.”
But Urban Dictionary also defines “McVicker” as “the dumbest person in the whole world who wouldn’t know football if it hit him in the nuts.”
There’s no entry for “Matt McVicker” so we can’t reasonably know whether Matt holds all of the qualities in both descriptions above, but science would indicate he should have at least two of them. Having seen Matt light up a dance floor, I can fully attest that he fits the mold of a “sexy guy that liked the women.” And though his blog post failed to recognize that the Cavs are decently likely to make the playoffs this year, I don’t think he’s close to the dumbest person in the whole world as long as Ryan Lochte is still around.
But all signs point toward not knowing football if it hit him in the nuts. That’s because his post didn’t acknowledge that the Cleveland Browns are named as such because of their head-coach in the mid 1940s, Paul Brown, not because of the color brown. Nonetheless, brown is the secondary color of their uniforms.
The argument of Cleveland sports being irrelevant also falls on deaf ears to me. Everyone knows the focus of this blog is the 1990s, which included one of the best baseball lineups in recent history with the mid-90s Indians that went to the World Series twice. And the 1990s Cavs – well, yep, that’s a pretty irrelevant team by most metrics but man could Mark Price shoot a free throw. But don’t forget that the 1990s decade also saw the Browns owner try to move them from Cleveland to Baltimore, only to be cock-blocked by a resilient fan base that resulted in striking all official team records from the books for the group moving to Baltimore and saving them for a new Browns team only a few years later. That’s nothing if not relevant.
So I’m going with the “Matt doesn’t know football” explanation. Or maybe he has a nice toothbrush.