The Best Bets on Kobe’s Divorce

Since Vanessa won't be needing that ring anymore, she should sell it, take the money and wager on Kobe to be the first to date, and then just go hiding for a few months. Easy money!

I wouldn’t consider myself someone who has a gambling issue, but one of the most exciting moments of 2011 for me was winning 10 bucks when Christina Aguileira landed the over of 1:46 seconds singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl. I never noticed that she missed some of the words, because my eyes were 100% focused on the clock baby! That bet, as the gamblers say, was a STONE… COLD… LOCK.

This year, you won’t have to wait until the super bowl to make ridiculous bets. That’s because in this ridiculous generation of the media obsessing over the personal lives of players, you can now wager on all sorts of possibilities for the outcome of Kobe Bryant’s love life.

I could spend time in this column breaking down how ridiculous it is that you can gamble on whether Kobe takes a girl on dates, but that wouldn’t be quite as interesting. Instead, we’ll break down how you can make a profit from Kobe’s misfortunes by finding the best lines.

1. Who will be seen first in public on a date? (Kobe -150, Vanessa Bryant +110)

I’ll take Kobe even with the -150 here. With all the turmoil on the Lakers this year (as documented in a recent post from ToniPipp here) you know the cameras will be on Kobe constantly. I’m guessing Vanessa Bryant will lay low for a while, so take Kobe here at -150 before it gets higher.

2. Who will be Kobe Bryant’s next girlfriend? (Model +150, Entertainment +200, Singer +300, Athlete +500, Elin Nordegren +5000)

This is a tough one to filter through – Maxim model Jessica Burciaga is the rumored top pick for Kobe’s next fling, which gives model the top odds. But will Kobe officially announce that? What defines her as the girlfriend? I think the safest bet here is to throw one dollar on Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren. If Elin is looking to get back at Tiger, she’s hook up with the Black Mamba, and you’ll win five grand.

3 &4. Will Kobe Bryant officially announce he is dating Jessica Burciaga in 2012?  Will Kobe Bryant officially announce he is dating Carla DiBello in 2012? (Each bet is: Yes +250, No – 400)

Athletes historically don’t end up officially dating the flings that presumably caused their breakups, so I’m leaning towards no on this one. Our reccomendation: Parlay Kobe’s non-girlfriends with Kevin Durant to win the league MVP, Jimmer Fredette to win rookie of the year and the Heat to win it all.

See what I did there? I turned this ridiculous Kobe gambling column into my predictions for the upcoming NBA season. Take that one to the bank.