Guest Post #3: The Real Postseason Issues Facing the Lakers, Presented by an Actual Fan

*Editor’s note: A long time ago, I started this blog. Very few people were truly “in on the ground floor” of SpreeGoogs, and one of them was my friend Jackie, who I met at USC. She’s tirelessly promoted my blog via Twitter and to express my gratitude, I offered to let her write a guest post whenever she wanted, and suggested she write about the Lakers, because she is one of the few good fans that I have run into in this city and she can actually offer a logical voice about the team that I can’t. As most of you know, the Lakers’ season recently ended, partially due to a Rick Carlisle-led Mavericks team that played “Prison Rules” basketball, and partially due to some internal turmoil. These are Jackie’s thoughts on the subject. Note that none of her ideas seem to involve blowing up the team, which is all the rage in this city right now because winning two of the last three championships is a sin worthy of scrapping it all and starting over again.

Closing thoughts on the Lakers postseason:

When she isn't counting her husband's money, Vanessa Bryant dabbles in recreational life-ruining. Just ask Pau Gasol.

1.  If it is indeed true that Pau Gasol’s entire playoff run was imploded by
Vanessa Bryant snitching him out for cheating on his girlfriend, then the city
of Los Angeles should show absolutely no mercy in hunting down Kobe’s wife,
shooting her with a tranquilizer gun and tagging her ear.  That is the most
abominable behavior on the scale of human decency; ask anyone who’s ever earned
a reputation for loose lips in prison.  With super super super in-the-know
sources verifying that locker room tensions were high, PLUS all of the other
drama and finger-pointing for inconsistent play and losses, it was a recipe for
disaster.  Take a look at footage from the last two seasons, when Kobe and Pau
are practically canoodling during post-game press conferences and giggling as
they talk about how they text each other in the middle of the night.  Look, I
get it.  This is the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and she
dumped him faster than third period Spanish.  It’s ugly, it’s traumatic and he
will absolutely spend the next few months either completely laid up in his house
sobbing or continuing the Spanish legacy of sport {SpreeGoogling}.  All I wish is that
Pau could have absorbed the news a little better and separated his professional
life better from his personal, because that’s what real professionals do.
Michael Jordan’s father was murdered at a point during his career, Derek
Fisher’s daughter was diagnosed with eye cancer during his tenure with the Utah
Jazz.  Chris Paul’s grandfather was brutally murdered, and two days later Paul
scored 61 points in his high school game, one for every year of his
grandfather’s life (and deliberately missed a free throw).  These are real human
tragedies, unlike this fake pathos garbage being generated by Bryant’s wife.

2.  I’m not even remotely surprised by the bumper crop of tweets coming from
long-suffering Clippers fans drunk with glee at the Lakers’ demise, who continue
to throw rational thought out the window just like their fearless leader Donald
T. Sterling.  These are actual tweets from my timeline:

“All I have to say is, there’s a new team in LA!”

“Michael Jordan would have made all the shots Kobe missed.”

“It’s our time Clipper Nation!”

3.  I’m surprised, but not stunned, at the cancerous growth of bandwagoning Phil
Jackson supporters on Twitter.  These are the people who were mute all season
and absolutely couldn’t have cared less about his retirement, but all of a
sudden the Mavericks route brought out a deluge of hypocrites.  Please don’t
tell me you feel bad for Phil ending his career like this when you can’t even
tell me who his girlfriend is, okay?

4.  I’m selling my stock in Andrew Bynum.  Shaky knees, evidence of being
coddled too long into adulthood, uneven play and it’s NEVER a good sign when
people just assume you’ll be injured in time for the playoffs.

5.  Stunning revelations: Jason Kidd is older than Joe Smith, who are both
younger than Grant Hill and Juwan Howard, all of whom are younger than…wait
for it…Shaquille O’Neal.  Shaq is the oldest active player in the NBA.

email